Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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