I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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