Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize