so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
This baby is an asshole
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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