Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
