I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
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