i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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