Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize