Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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