1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I wish I could punch you in the face.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Found the puke drawer
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
