I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
