i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
