Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
