So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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