Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
