my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
No stitches, just platelets and will power
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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