At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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