their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
