I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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