If you die in college, do you die in real life?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Randomize