Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
