How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
