guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Text me some of your sweat
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
