the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
