You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
there is glitter all over my balls
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
