i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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