so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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