I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
