How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
