fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize