i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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