I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
