You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
it glows. i had to have it.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
