I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
