somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
