if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Randomize
