Well douche your snatch and let's go!
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
