Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
