I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
