I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
