I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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