yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
