if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
