every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Randomize
