Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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