he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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