I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
