this just has baby written all over it
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
