Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
as a side note pls kill me
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
