she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize