Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
