Can i not drive my cunt home
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
