and you said cock pushups were impossible
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
