Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
even my farts smell like vagina
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
3 2 1 whiskey
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
