Michael Bay diarrhea
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize