If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
