Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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