after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
