Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize