it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
