It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
