it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
